


Fucking, Fights, and Family Dinners

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [113]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Other, Polyamory, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-30 01:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15086363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: little lion: tag yourself I'm me being woken up to thomas and john playing finger footsie on my VERY ticklish hipbones, and then kicking thomas in the shin bc I didn't know why I was being tickled and it activated my fight or flight responselittle lion: in which I tried to do bothangelica: ???? ok I have so many fucking questions





	Fucking, Fights, and Family Dinners

**aaron colder than ice** : are you and philip okay in there  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : I can hear you like,,,,crying  
  
**theodosia the Second** : yknow how when grandpa died, instead of getting rid of his suits, grandma had them practically remade into women's suits and she used to wear them??  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : yes I love her  
  
**theodosia the Second** : I'm trying them on now to see which ones I want and pip is crying bc he loves me and I'm crying bc he keeps telling me I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : oh!! okay  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : as long as you're both okay and nobody downstairs said anything, then that's fine and I love you  
  
**theodosia the Second** : I love you too!! thank you  
  
\---  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I love you so much  
  
**theodosia the Second** : did you like the green plaid suit or the orange one better  
  
**theodosia the Second** : also I love you too!!  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : uhh I liked the orange one  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : it compliments your skin tone and also makes you look like a really powerful business woman who like,,,,,has so much money,,,,and I love you more than the amount of money you have  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : but also the green one also compliments your skin tone,,,,and makes you look like a spy  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : you're so fucking beautiful  
  
**theodosia the Second** : jkdkjKJDH!!!  
  
**theodosia the Second** : !! there's a yellow dress in here !!  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : omg you look so pretty in yellow  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : you're so beautiful  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : in addition to being so fucking funny and smart and kind and everything else that makes me love you which is everything bc you're amazing  
  
**theodosia the Second** : I love you too!! my heart  
  
**theodosia the Second** : also these pants are really nice but they're too big do you want to try them on  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm?? most of this stuff is too big on you but my dad already said when he dropped us off that he'd fix them !! do you want the pants??  
  
**theodosia the Second** : ,,,,,,,,I mean,,,,I'd take them,,,, but your butt would look cute in these more than mine would  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : oh my fucking god  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : give me the pants  
  
**theodosia the Second** : yes!!  
  
\---  
  
**anastasie** : DO I START TALKING TO HER NOW?? WHAT DO I DO  
  
**anastasie** : WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN FRIENDS BUT WE'VE NEVER BEEN BESTIES AND I JUST ASKED HER TO HANG OUT LIKE WE WE R E SO WHAT IF SHE THINKS IM WEIRD AND ONLY SAID YES BC ITS WEIRD AND AWKWARD IF SHE SAID NO  
  
**anastasie** : WHAT IF ONE DAY I ADMIT TO HER I LIKE HER AND SHES SO GROSSED OUT BY THE FACT THAT I LIKE HER THAT SHE NEVER SPEAKS TO ME AGAINA ND THINKS THE ONLY REASON I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER NOW IS BC I LIKE HER WHICH IS PARTIALLY TRUE BC I DO WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HER BC I LIKE HER BUT LIKE !! THATS NOT THE ONLY REASON  
  
**anastasie** : SHES SUCH A COOL PERSON AND IM SO GAY JAMES AND FRANCI HELP  
  
**frances** : franCI IS N O T ALLOWED TO CATCH ON  
  
**france eyes** : RT

 **frances** : but also ana,,,,my sister,,,,,my tiny nuisance,,,,,you're gonna be okay  
  
**anastasie** : WHAT IF SHES NOT OKAY W GAY PEOPLE WHAT DO I DO THEN  
  
**frances** : ??????? nobODY in her family is straight  
  
**anastasie** : ,,,,,fair  
  
**james** : ana !! why don't you just try to be her friend first?? wanting to be her girlfriend is fine and pure and dandy, but if you really are worried abt it you can !! just try and be comfortable being friends with her, but if dating comes out of that then cool !! everyone you know p much is gay so we do nothing but support you in that  
  
**frances** : ana look away  
  
**anastasie** : I can hear you kissing his face  
  
**frances** : shHH  
  
**anastasie** : and yeah that's fair but !! gay fear !!  
  
**james** : mood  
  
**france eyes** : also !! it might not always be like,,,the easiest thing,,,,,the first time I went to olive garden with frances and james it was dimly lit and the woman who waited on us was married to two other women so she thought we were a polyam couple which we weren't YET and it made !! loving them super easy bc I had to be like haha !! what !! me?? a polyamorous bi guy who is in love with both of his best friends?? absurd!! but I was sweating and had to go home and cry to my mom bc of how in love I was with them,,,,so it might be difficult,,,,,  
  
**frances** : ok that was your fucking fault though we got there and you smiled like the sun and got us floWERS??? AND NOT LIKE ANY FLOWERS NO THEY WERE OUR FAVORITE FLOWERS AND YOU HUGGED US LIKE WED BEEN MARRIED FOR TWENTY YEARS  
  
**france eyes** : ,,,,I thought it would be nice,,,we were going for james' birthday,,,,  
  
**james** : yeah and you got me that fucking !! scarf and told me you didn't want me to get sick like I do every year and also that framed picture of the three of us to put in my room so no matter where y'all were, you were always with me in my Bad Life to comfort me and the waitress literally almost cried like fuck  
  
**frances** : sdkjhsdjkh alex made me fucking have a heart to heart with him about it on the balcony bc I cried on the cab home and he saw my mascara running when I walked through the door  
  
**frances** : also bc the rest of our parents were passed out on the couch bc they were waiting for me I love our parents  
  
**anastasie** : IF POPS STARTS TRYING TO TALK TO ME ABOUT MARTHA IM GONNA LOSE MY ASS  
  
**frances** : not how I thought you were going to end that sentence but,,,okay,,,,,,also it's not that bad he's kind of good at giving advice  
  
**anastasie** : BUT MARTHA IS HIS GODCHILD !! WHAT IF HE THINKS THATS GROSS  
  
**frances** : I'm p sure him and aunt angelica have been plotting for one of us to marry one of them for like our whole lives so they can be related somehow  
  
**anastasie** : IM  
  
**anastasie** : M A R R I E D???  
  
**frances** : NOT YET JESUS YOU'RE 15  
  
**frances** : BUT EVENTUALLY MAYBE IF IT WORKS OUT  
  
**anastasie** : CAN WE WATCH TV I DONT WANT TO THINK IT ABT IT ANYMORE  
  
**frances** : of course  
  
\---  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : theodosia's gram has like five thousand silk sleep scarves she's trying to get rid of and theo only wants some of them so like  
  
**frances** : ILL TAKE THEM  
  
**frances** : ME AND ANA CAN GO HALVSIES  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,,okay,,,,,how are things going at the House  
  
**frances** : ana is freaking out bc we're trying to set her up with martha schuyler-wayles bc she has a huge crush on her and we are trying to calm her Down  
  
**frances** : the parentals are still out and I think they're asleep bc I called them to see when they'd be home after they wouLDNT ANSWER MY TEXTS and no answer still  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : okay !! we're on our way home !! theo is gonna drop me off  
  
**frances** : okay !! we're in the living room when you get home  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : !!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : tag yourself I'm me being woken up to thomas and john playing finger footsie on my VERY ticklish hipbones, and then kicking thomas in the shin bc I didn't know why I was being tickled and it activated my fight or flight response  
  
**little lion** : in which I tried to do both  
  
**angelica** : ???? ok I have so many fucking questions  
  
**angelica** : first of all finger footsie??  
  
**little lion** : they're like trying to fucking hold hands but nOT so their fingers are just like playing with each other and it's romantic as hell and thomas is awake bc I broke skin but he isn't pulling away  
  
**little lion** : HJSDHKAH he's blushing now bc I'm teasing him abt it  
  
**angelica** : whAT HAPPENED TO LETTING THEM FIGURE IT OUT ON THEIR OWN  
  
**little lion** : THAT DOESNT MEAN I CANT HELP  
  
**little lion** : also thomas is the person who goes to someone he trusts when he has crushes, and he trusts me and james,,,most?? probably,,,,but he probably isn't going to go to james bc it would involve him Admitting to james he wants to date my other spouses, which would petrify him bc he'd think james would think thomas was trying to isolate him whiCH james might so it's more likely he'd go to me bc I am,,,,the Universal Spouse,,,,also he might realize upon realizing that his attraction to my other spouses has been here this Whole time,,,,that I have also been hinting at it for just as long,,,,sO,,,,he might come to me bc it won't be a complete shock  
  
**little lion** : jAMES however, is probably going to go to thomas,,,,bc he doesn't like to make thomas more anxious than he has to be about things like that,,,,,but his probability of saying anything about it is like nONE bc he nEVER ADMITS TO THINGS  
  
**angelica** : you are Not calling yourself the ""Universal Spouse"" but also that's sweet and kinda spooky that you know that kind of stuff about them  
  
**little lion** : I'm observant  
  
**little lion** : thomas' hands are on my ass I have to go  
  
**angelica** : I M??????????  
  
\---  
  
**billy whale pain** : cAN YOU STOP SCREAMING AND BLASTING KING PRINCESS IN YOUR ROOM IM TRYING TO STUDY  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : STUDYING FOR FUCKING W HA T  
  
**billy whale pain** : I HAVE A DEBATE IN TWO DAYS!! WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : ANASTASIE MULLIGAN JUST ASKED ME TO GO TO THIS AMUSEMENT PARK WITH HER AND IM DYING BC IM BORING AND SHE IS A FORCE OF NATURE I CANT EVEN COMPARE TO WHAT AM I EVEN GOING TO TALK ABOUT THERE  
  
**billy whale pain** : YOU HAVE A CRUSH!!! IM COMIGN IN  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : WHY DO OUR BEDROOMS HAVE TO BE CONNECTED  
  
**billy whale pain** : IT DOESNT MATTER I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING  
  
**billy whale pain** : ALSO YOU HAVE THE SIDE WITH THE LOCK LITERALLY  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : ANYWAY !! YOU DONT NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING  
  
**billy whale pain** : YES I DO WHEN DID IT START  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : FUCKIGN SLJDKSDJH LIKE I DONT KNWO  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : ONE TIME SHE WAS IN UNCLE HERCULES' STUDIO AND WE WERE TALKING ABT KNITTING PATTERNS AND SHE JUST !! SHE WAS SHOWING ME HOW TO DO SOMETHING AND HER HANDS WERE ON MINE AND IVE KNOWN HER MY WHOLE LIFE AND SHES ALWAYS BEEN !! PRETTY !! BUT THEN SHE WAS LIKE !! HER GLASSES ARE SO BIG AND IT MAKES HER EYES LOOK SO WIDE LIKE SAUCERS AND THEYRE SUCH A PRETTY BROWN AND SHE WAS SO NICE WHEN I DIDNT GET IT SHE HELPED ME UNDO IT AND RETRY AND I WAS GONNA ASK HER TO DO SOMETHING WITH ME LATER THEN BUT THEN HERCULES CAME BACK IN THE ROOM AND HOW DO YOU ASK SOMEONE WHO YOU THINK YOURE DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR TO DO SOMETHING WITH YOU IN FRONT OF THEIR F A T H ER

 **martholemew skywhales** : THE ANSWER IS YOU DO N T  
  
**billy whale pain** : ??? WHEN WAS THIS  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : ALMOST A YEAR AGO SJHJDHSKDJHJDK BUT IT DIDNT MATTER UNTIL NOW WHEN SHE TEXTED ME AND ASKED TO GO TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK WITH HER AND I DIED  
  
**billy whale pain** : A YE A R AND YOU NEVER T OL D ME  
  
**billy whale pain** : HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR WINGMAN IF IM AT COLLEGE  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : you're literally living twenty minutes away  
  
**billy whale pain** : STILL  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : she's literally so beautiful idk what I'm gonna do  
  
**billy whale pain** : DATE HER  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : ITS NOT THAT EASY BILL  
  
**billy whale pain** : ?????  
  
**billy whale pain** : also my name is william do not call me that  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : I CANT EVEN HOLD A CONVERSATION WITH NORMAL PEOPLE LET ALONE THE GIRL I HAVE A CRUSH ON  
  
**billy whale pain** : when iS THIS !! BC WE HAVE THE THING WITH PARS FRIENDS ON THURSDAY  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : OH RIGHT !! YEAH OKAY ILL SEE  
  
\---  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : hey uh !! abt this amusement park thing !! my parents are dragging us to this person's house for like ?? a meet and greet for their kids idk but !! it's on thursday so I can't go that day !!  
  
**anastasie** : that's fine!! I have a family dinner with alex's boyfriends//spouses so !! I wouldn't be able to make thursday either  
  
**anastasie** : I get out of work early on friday would that be okay?? if we go at like five??  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : yeah!! I would love that !!  
  
**anastasie** : cool !! see you friday!!  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : see you!!  
  
\---

 **martholemew skywhales** : I'm dYIGN TEMPLE  
  
**billy whale pain** : ok temple is worse literally just call me will or william  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : NO IM DYING SCHUYLER  
  
**billy whale pain** : IM????? OKAY WAYLES????  
  
**martholemew skywhales** : PAYNE DONT EVEN TEST ME  
  
**billy whale pain** : KJSHJASHDLKASDOKH  
  
\---  
  
**anastasie** : make sure they put nice flowers on my grave  
  
**james** : mood  
  
\---  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : do you have any of those cookies that your grandmother made  
  
**theodosia the Second** : yeah!! however if you eat them all I'm gonna punt you into the sun  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : ruDE but no I only want like two bc I'm starving but I'm going for dinner later w my fam  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : are you doing anything later??  
  
**theodosia the Second** : dnmbd you stopped holding hands with me  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I need to type and eat at the same time  
  
**theodosia the Second** : fine  
  
**theodosia the Second** : also !! nothing really, we're probs just gonna all eat dinner and Chill in the living room  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : that sounds nice  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I love you  
  
**theodosia the Second** : I love you too!! are you okay??  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm just !! gonna miss you is all  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I've seen you like almost every minute of the past week, I've grown attached to my girlfriend who I was already glued to  
  
**theodosia the Second** : philip!! you're so cute let me kiss you  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : ajaskhd st op  
  
**theodosia the Second** : I'm going to miss you too!! and even if we don't see each other before then I'm coming to your dinner on thursday so !! we won't have to miss each other for long  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm kissing you again  
  
**theodosia the Second** : I am more than okay with that  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : OKAY SO WE TO T A L L Y JUST FUCKED  
  
**little lion** : AND IDK HOW IM SUPPOSED TO SIT DOWN AT DINNER RN  
  
**little lion** : IM LAYING ACROSS THE BACK BACK OF THE VAN  
  
**angelica** : I DIDNT NEED THIS TEXT MESSAGE!!!!!!!!  
  
**angelica** : BUT ALSO HOW DID IT GO IN THE LEAST AMOUNT OF DETAILS  
  
**little lion** : GREAT !! LOTS OF KISSING I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO PASS OUT  
  
**little lion** : HAVE I EVER MENTIONED MY SPOUSES ARE BEAUTIFUL AND ALSO IF YOU GET THOMAS WORKED UP ENOUGH HE STARTS SPEAKING ITALIAN LIKE !! I LOVE  
  
**angelica** : KASKJSHDKJ WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABT IT NOW !!!  
  
**little lion** : idK!! I SHOULD PROBABLY FIGURE SOMETHING OUT!!  
  
**angelica** : PROBS!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : soOO do you wanna talk abt it now or later  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : uhh later?? for the simple fact of I am passing out trying to finish this text message  
  
**little lion** : of course my love  
  
**little lion** : we could probs come over tonight to talk but you will be asleep until probably,,,,twenty minutes before work tomorrow  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : are you kidding  
  
**little lion** : sjddjshd no I'm not you're going to pass out and you're gonna stay asleep for at least 10 hours  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : trying to convince james to take off work tomorrow  
  
**little lion** : oh my god  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : my muscles are worn out my jaw hurts and I need like a Bath but like a shower before bc there is NO WAY I am wallowing in my after-sex sweat, which I hate even laying in rn  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : did it!! we're not going to work tomorrow  
  
**little lion** : did you?? did you threaten to shave his head in his sleep again  
  
**jmadzzz** : YES, HE DID, AND ONE TIME I DIDNT BELIEVE HIS THREAT TO SHAVE MY FACE AND HE FUCKING SHAVED MY FACE IN MY SLEEP!! SO I LISTEN TO HIM NOW  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : YEEHAW  
  
**little lion** : the people I am going to probably marry  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ,,probably??  
  
**little lion** : I still want to marry you!! no doubt about it I am down for the count and in love with you forever, but with,,,,,recent developments,,,,idk if you'd !! wanna postpone our wedding or !! not have it at all now idk I love you so much  
  
**jmadzzz** : I,,,wherever this ends up going,,,I still think I'm only going to want to marry you  
  
**jmadzzz** : and thomas but I've already done that  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : thANKS  
  
**jmadzzz** : I love you and you know that so hush  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : tru  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : also same,,,I'm 103% fine with wherever this continues to go in the future, but I'm sure I just want to marry you right now  
  
**jmadzzz** : if it changes,,,it changes, that's something we can deal with if it happens when it happens  
  
**little lion** : I love you both a lot  
  
**little lion** : are you both okay !! I should've brought it up better  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you're fine !! we love you too alexander !! and it's good you brought it up now so it didn't get to be like,,,this huge elephant in the room we weren't talking about later  
  
**little lion** : I have to go get ready for dinner !! text me whenever if you're still awake later !! get some rest please!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : we will!! goodnight alex!!  
  
**little lion** : goodnight!!  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : ok we literally Just had sex and lafayette is literally trying to suck alex's soul out through his throat  
  
**johnn** : also what happened in the two seconds where we weren't all in the same room

 **more like HUNKules** : alex came out in red and lafayette tackled him bc they,,,love him,,,,which is a general mood and has been for half my life, and here they are bc they both have like,,,,,as much stamina as I have love for them

  
**johnn** : you're cute  
  
**johnn** : do you want me to kiss you rn  
  
**more like HUNKules** : yes please  
  
**johnn** : I'm coming my love  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I love you john  
  
**johnn** : I love you too!! are you okay??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : uh yeah I just !! you're wearing your mom's necklace and I just want you to know right now that I love you !! and it makes sense that you're having dinner with your siblings so you're wearing the necklace but !! idk just in case you needed it, I wanted to tell you that I love you bc you are truly so amazing and the person I've watched you become over 22 years of knowing you is !! nothing short of brilliant  
  
**johnn** : hERCULES  
  
**more like HUNKules** : marry me  
  
**johnn** : I love you too, and I would marry you again tomorrow and you know that  
  
**more like HUNKules** : kiss me again??  
  
**johnn** : I'm already on my way down the stairs!!  
  
\---  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : ARE YALL READY !!  
  
**little lion** : ALMOST !!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : nO!!  
  
**little lion** : I LOVE YOU AND I AM GRATEFUL EVERYDAY TO BE MARRIED TO YOU BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU WRINKLED MY SHIRT AND NOW I HAVE TO CHANGE IT BUT I STILL LOVE YOU SO MUCH  
  
**laf** : RUDE  
  
**laf** : !! wait what color are you putting on !!  
  
**little lion** : purple!! to match you !!  
  
**little lion** : I just need a second to change my earrings bc they don't match anymore  
  
**laf** : aleX AND HERCULES WEAR EA R R IN G S NOW UGH IM SO LUCKY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : this is so rude I can't take mine out  
  
**laf** : ,ngmgmbgngmn hercules and earrings lookin like a fuckin model or smth  
  
**laf** : we need to go dancing again soon  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we can go on a date on friday or saturday??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we can,,,,talk about if thomas and james want to come with us too,,,,  
  
**johnn** : as alex's spouses or,,,,as,,,,six of us,,,,  
  
**johnn** : this is making me anxious  
  
**little lion** : let's talk about that before we go to bed!! I'm coming down now and then we can leave !!  
  
**johnn** : of course my love  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : wait!! you know I'm only postponing talking about it because we're about to go to dinner and we're definitely not going to finish the conversation by the time we get there  
  
**little lion** : especially !! because one of us has to drive !!  
  
**little lion** : and I don't want to start a conversation that puts our whole dynamic into question and changes things in our relationship without knowing that I will !! definitely !! have time to actually discuss those things with you, instead of rushing them and making you feel like this isn't the most important thing in the world to me, because it is!!  
  
**little lion** : you know that right!!  
  
**johnn** : of course we do babe  
  
**little lion** : I want this dinner to not be rushed, and if we're up until four in the morning talking then that's fine !! as long as you get your time with your family this conversation can wait !! I love you all so much  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we love you too!!  
  
**laf** : we love you alex!!  
  
**johnn** : love you!!  
  
**little lion** : !!!

\---

 **laf** : we look so cute!! I love you all so much!! 

 **johnn** : we love you too!!  
  
**anastasie** : POPS WHERE IS THE GLASSES CLEANER  
  
**little lion** : IDK HERCULES HAD IT LAST  
  
**laf** : herc U LE S HAS GLASSES NOW  
  
**frances** : PLEASE THIRST FOR YOUR HUSBAND IN YOUR OWN DAMN CHAT  
  
**frances** : ALSO UHHH CAN JAMES AND FRANCIS COME TO THIS DINNER WITH US THEYRE ALREADY DRESSED  
  
**little lion** : IM ?? OKAY  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : YOURE TELLING ME THEO COULDVE COME WITH US??  
  
**frances** : well no,,,bc if we drop francis off on our way there, then james is stuck here alone, and that isn't Happening sO francis comes with us and so does james  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,fine,,,,,I wanna sit next to ana  
  
**anastasie** : nice to know I'm just a replacement for theodosia when she's not here  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : no!! you're not!! ana!!  
  
**frances** : I'm literally gonna punch you in the nose  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm !! fuck !!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh dear  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : honey are you alright??  
  
**anastasie** : I'm fine  
  
**little lion** : ana  
  
**anastasie** : I'm just !! annoyed !! I don't want to talk about it, I just want to go to dinner and ignore the whole thing!!!!  
  
**little lion** : !! if you don't talk to him about it now, it's going to ruin your whole night !! and we don't want that  
  
**little lion** : he's your brother, and we'll wait for you  
  
**anastasie** : he's !! irritating !! sometimes frances is too but when she's with james and francis she at least makes an effort to talk to me and act like I fucking exist !! and I love theodosia and she's super nice and not to blame for this at all but !! pip just fucking forgets everyone exists and I underSTANS D wanting to be with your girlfriend but like when you're someone's literal sibling and you're always considered like,,,,oh my #1 isn't here I Guess ana will Do, like he doesn't even Care, fucking !! hurts I hate him  
  
**little lion** : you don't  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : go to martha's, I'll stay here with pip and ana and we'll catch up  
  
**laf** : are you sure love??  
  
**little lion** : yeah, but if you don't save a seat for me I'm gonna be pissed  
  
**more like HUNKules** : of course  
  
**johnn** : I WANNA DRIVE  
  
**johnn** : IM GONNA SPEED THOUGH  
  
**johnn** : MY SIBLINGS!!! ALL OF EM!!!  
  
**johnn** : IM SO PUMPED!!!  
  
**little lion** : ,,,,I'm gonna kiss you really hard at martha's  
  
**johnn** : IM FINE WITH THAT I LOVE YOU GOOD LUCK WITH THE CHILDREN LETS GO!!! !! ! !!!! !!! !  
  
**laf** : I'm so afraid  
  
**more like HUNKules** : rt  
  
**little lion** : godspeed dearest  
  
**little lion** : fuck ana isn't in her room anymore!!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : did I ever tell you I had a brother??  
  
**anastasie** : what

 **little lion** : unlock the door to the balcony and I'll tell you  
  
**anastasie** : tell me and I'll unlock the door to the balcony  
  
**anastasie** : did pip leave with everyone else  
  
**little lion** : no, he's here, but he's giving you space  
  
**anastasie** : I don't want to talk to him  
  
**anastasie** : he's gonna graduate next year, and then he's gonna go to school somewhere and marry theodosia, and then he's never gonna talk to me bc he's not gonna give a shit and !! why not start early and just not talk to him now  
  
**little lion** : oh my love  
  
**anastasie** : ,,,what happened to your brother??  
  
**little lion** : he !! was my best friend when we were growing up !! and when my father left our family, he was the only person besides my mother who !! really made sure I was doing okay, even if he was struggling himself. but when our mother died, we kinda !! grew apart  
  
**little lion** : it was part of the fact that our mother died and the other that he was getting older and didn't want to be with his little brother anymore, so he kind of !! distanced himself from me, and by the time I was old enough to be considered ""cool"" enough to be around, the hurricane hit the island I grew up on, and destroyed it  
  
**anastasie** : oh  
  
**little lion** : with our dad gone, our mother having passed away, and everything we'd ever known gone from us, me and my brother went separate ways, and not long after he reconnected with my father, and I never forgave him for that  
  
**little lion** : I still don't, I still don't understand how he could not just seek out the man who left us with nothing, but treat him as though he ever did Anything for us  
  
**little lion** : but that's not the point, the point is that when I was 30, my father came here, to this house, and told me that my brother died  
  
**little lion** : exTREME for the situation, I know, but you and philip rn are having a very Easily Solvable problem, and I don't want this to tear you apart forever  
  
**little lion** : I love you both and I want !! what's best for you, which is each other  
  
**little lion** : and also frances but she isn't here rn  
  
**little lion** : my point is stay with your siblings did you get that from that??  
  
**anastasie** : yes pops  
  
**anastasie** : and I'm sorry about your brother  
  
**little lion** : it was a long time ago, mon ange, I'm fine  
  
**anastasie** : still, I couldn't !! I'm not sure what I would do if I lost pip  
  
**little lion** : go talk to him  
  
**anastasie** : ,,,,,okay  
  
\---  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm so sorry anastasie  
  
**anastasie** : you don't have to call my by my full name philip  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : !! anastasie-louise pauline hamilton-laurens-mulligan-lafayette !! I'm still really sorry !! about everything !! and I'm sorry that I've been such a shitty brother to you and I'm sorry you couldn't tell me about it and I'm just !! I'm sorry  
  
**anastasie** : it's just !! hold on  
  
**anastasie** : I already explained it bc pops made me have a heart to heart with him and so I'm gonna copy and paste it  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : okay  
  
**anastasie** : he's !! irritating !! sometimes frances is too but when she's with james and francis she at least makes an effort to talk to me and act like I fucking exist !! and I love theodosia and she's super nice and not to blame for this at all but !! pip just fucking forgets everyone exists and I underSTANS D wanting to be with your girlfriend but like when you're someone's literal sibling and you're always considered like,,,,oh my #1 isn't here I Guess ana will Do, like he doesn't even Care, fucking !! hurts I hate him  
  
he's gonna graduate next year, and then he's gonna go to school somewhere and marry theodosia, and then he's never gonna talk to me bc he's not gonna give a shit and !! why not start early and just not talk to him now  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : ana!! I'm !! I don't even know what to say besides I'm sorry I just

 **pip pip doodly doo** : you're my favorite person!! besides like,,,frances,,,bc y'all are tied bc she'd kill both of us  
  
**anastasie** : fair  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : and just !! I've known you like more than half my life !! you're my little sister!! I get so excited when I see theodosia bc I don't get to see her all the time !! but I get to see you all the time which is so fun !! and I love you so much!! I promise I'm gonna try and not be !! so absorbed in theo all the time and actually Pay Attention to you bc that's !! fucking fair to you and what you deserve I'm still really sorry  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : also I really like your dress, and frances told me abt your crush on martha, so I might be able to help with that  
  
**anastasie** : I accept your apology  
  
**anastasie** : also thank you and if you talk abt my crush on martha I'm going to cut all your hair in your sleep  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : noted  
  
**anastasie** : let's go to dinner!!  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm gonna hug you first if you're cool with that  
  
**anastasie** : I am!! come her bitch!!  
  
\---  
  
**anastasie** : pops is crying how do I get him to stop  
  
**johnn** : ??? you don't  
  
**johnn** : just hug him and he should be okay  
  
**anastasie** : it's not sad tears he's talking abt how lucky he is that we're his kids and how beautiful his life is  
  
**johnn** : oh then you're out of luck, we'll handle it when you get here  
  
**anastasie** : the cab driver is concerned for him he keeps asking us if we need him to stop  
  
**johnn** : that's nothing when we all snuck out of our wedding to go get pizza, the cab driver asked if lafayette ran away at the altar and then I got in the car and she was like,,,,oh,,,,  
  
**anastasie** : you?? from your?? to get??  
  
**johnn** : hdjhksjdh hercules is mad at me for telling you bc it doesn't promote good ""lessons"" to you nvm  
  
**anastasie** : iM  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : DID Y'ALL EAT YET  
  
**laf** : uh no actually we called martha and told her we'd be late and have been sitting in the parking garage of her building for like twenty minutes bc we didn't want to go in without you  
  
**laf** : and hercules is mad at john  
  
**johnn** : BC I TOLD ANA WE LEFT OUR WEDDING TO GET PIZZA EVEN THO WE D I D  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I DONT WANT OUR CHILDREN TO KNOW THAT AND THINK OUR WEDDING WASNT !! AMAZING !! AND THINK SOMEHOW BC WE LEFT OUR OWN WEDDING THAT WE DIDNT LOVE OUR WEDDING BC I DID !! SO MUCH !! I WANTED TO MARRY YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND GETTING TO IS SOMETHING I AM STILL GRATEFUL FOR  
  
**johnn** : hercules, my diamond earrings and glasses wearing, tattooed, hot as all fuck, husband  
  
**more like HUNKules** : my love  
  
**johnn** : we left our wedding, to go on a fucking date, that's cute as hell  
  
**johnn** : I'll tell ana that if it would help you  
  
**more like HUNKules** : thANK you  
  
**little lion** : first of fucking all: I love you all so fucking much  
  
**little lion** : second: we see you and we're getting out so you can also get out  
  
**little lion** : third: !! I already told her that it was a date and it was also a good way for us to be together as a fourple for a hot min,,,and not thrust into the fucking !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! vibe that is our wedding, which was beautiful,,,,,and I'm in love with all of you  
  
**little lion** : did that cushion the blow of calling our wedding !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **laf** : our wedding had fucking strobe lights you're right abt it being !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**little lion** : ,,,yeah,,,,I'm married to you !! come out here and kiss me as you all agreed to per our vows  
  
**johnn** : we're coming!!  
  
**johnn** : also never call us a fourple again  
  
**little lion** : I will do as I please  
  
**johnn** : god I love you  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : WE'RE HERE  
  
**martha** : FUCKING F I N A L L Y !! COME IN BITCHES THE DOOR IS OPEN  
  
**little lion** : FRANCES' BOYFRIENDS ARE HERE ALSO !!  
  
**david** : YEAH WE KNOW YOU ARE S O LUCKY WE BOUGHT THE THICC CHICKEN  
  
**more like HUNKules** : JASHKDJHDCKJSHLKDSH I MISSED YALL SO MUCH  
  
**martha** manning: oh my god I love when we get to see hercules and he hugs like six of us at once and I get to be picked up  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'll hug you first!!  
  
**martha manning** : yeS!!  
  
**martha** : when the woman you love insults your height??? and strength???  
  
**david** : rt?? like I'm hurt  
  
**martha manning** : I can make it up to you later ;^)  
  
**martha** : ???  
  
**the coolest brother you got** : GROSS  
  
**the good henry** : dear fucking god I regret coming to this  
  
**blessed mother** : mY NIECES AND NEPHEWS!!  
  
**johnn** : you could've gone to school with my children, isn't that weird  
  
**blessed mother** : anYWAY  
  
**blessed mother** : WHY WOULD YOU MENTION IT I DONT LIKE IT  
  
**johnn** : I !! neVER SEE YOU !! SO WHEN I DO ITS LIKE OMG MY BABY SISTER !! WHOM I LOVE !!  
  
**blessed mother** : I LOVE YOU TOO!! I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABT BERLIN IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : it was berlin!! I'm not that bad a brother  
  
**laf** : you're amazing and I'm gonna literally cut your nipples off if you keep self depricating  
  
**johnn** : ,,,,,,,,,I'm??  
  
**little lion** : as iF you would cut off john's nipples, you put it on a top ten list of your favorite things about him  
  
**johnn** : WE ARE SITTING DOWN TO EAT DINNER SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

 **little lion** : we should fuCK LATER !!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YOU CANT EVEN SIT DOWN RN

 **little lion** : ANYWAY  
  
\---  
  
**martha** : when you said you could make it up to us later, that meant milkshakes right  
  
**martha manning** : yes  
  
**martha** : ok bc I know we've been together fifteen years but !! I still like to make sure bc I know you don't like to have sex and just !! if that's something you wanted we'd totally do it !! and the fact that you don't is fine and we love you!! I just !! I like to be sure and make sure you're comfortable  
  
**martha manning** : I love you  
  
**martha manning** : also, speaking of things we've discussed over the past fifteen years, what would you !! how would you feel about getting married?? we've talked about it before, and you said you weren't sure, and I talked about it with david, and he said he would, so I wanted to ask you just in case  
  
**martha manning** : over text message bc I want to remember every word you say about it and uhh also bc I'm gay and in love with you  
  
**martha** : I would marry you tomorrow if it was legal  
  
**martha** : I'm sorry if it took me fifteen years to get that  
  
**martha manning** : no!! no you're fine!! I understand why, I just want to know how you feel now !! and I do, so I'm fine, come here  
  
\---  
  
**martha** : I LOVE F2J  
  
**martha** : HOW RARE IS IT TO FIND A GROUP OF THREE PEOPLE WHO ARE ALL DATING WHO ALSO RELATE TO YOUR HAVING TWO SIGNIFS WITH THE SAME NAME  
  
**david** : IM THRILLED AND I LOVE JAMES WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND WILL DO EVERYTHING TO PROTECT HIM  
  
**martha manning** : DJSHDKJASHDJSKH  
  
\---  
  
**blessed mother** : WE SHOULD PLAY GAMES  
  
**blessed mother** : NEVER HAVE I EVER  
  
**martha** : every time we play never have I ever you fucking lose bc you're a freak  
  
**blessed mother** : ,,,,,,,john lost once  
  
**johnn** : who said you could bring me into this?? i'vE never used bread where bread should NOT be used  
  
**blessed mother** : CAN A PERSON BE DRUNK IN FRANCE O N E T I M E  
  
**johnn** : I HAVE BEEN DRUNK IN FRANCE M U L T I P L E TIMES, AND THAT HAS NEVER BEEN AN OUTCOME  
  
**blessed mother** : SORRY IVE NEVER BEEN LYING DICK OUT ON THE ROOFTOP OF MY APARTMENT BUILDING  
  
**johnn** : UHHHHH I THINK THE BREAD THNG WAS WORSE  
  
**the coolest brother you got** : IT IS  
  
**the good henry** : wHY IN THE GROUP CHAT IM IN  
  
**the good henry** : I NEVER HAD TO KNOW THAT  
  
**blessed mother** : BC JOHN HATES ME  
  
**johnn** : I DO NOT I JUST FEEL LIKE THE BREAD STORY IS A VIABLE EXCUSE TO N O T FUCKING PLAY NEVER HAVE I EVER  
  
**johnn** : ALSO BC MY C H I L D R E N ARE HERE  
  
**the coolest brother you got** : I would win never have I ever  
  
**johnn** : you've been Almost Arrested or Almost Dead like twenty times and I have a fifteen year old daughter who refuses to wear jackets sometimes bc she's afraid of heat stroke  
  
**johnn** : bc she almost got heat stroke one time  
  
**martha** : I honestly expect nothing less from your children  
  
**johnn** : she wore a vampire-esque outfit in august to go to a dinner but it was a picnic I told you this story  
  
**the good henry** : YOU HAVE LIFE WE'RE PLAYING LIFE  
  
**johnn** : ONLY SIX PEOPLE CAN PLAY LIFE SO NO  
  
**the good henry** : THERES ONLY FIFTEEN OF US AND YOU AND YOUR SPOUSES COULD BE UHHH A TEAM  
  
**the good henry** : AND THEN MARTHA DAVID AND MARTHA CAN BE A TEAM  
  
**the good henry** : AND THEN F2J  
  
**the good henry** : THREE CARS LEFT FIVE PEOPLE  
  
**the good henry** : PIP AND ANA CAN TEAM  
  
**johnn** : I FEEL LIKE YOUVE BEEN PLANNING FOR THIS MUCH LONGER THAN WE HAVE BEEN HERE  
  
**the good henry** : YES  
  
**the good henry** : ME, MARY, AND JAMES CAN BE A TEAM AND WE HAVE ONE CAR LEFT OVER YEEHAW  
  
**johnn** : oh my god  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : YO, LAURENS SIBLINGS, HELP CLEAN UP BEFORE I SHAVE YOU  
  
**martha** : IM  
  
**the good henry** : RUDE  
  
**the good henry** : WE'RE PLAYING LIFE ALSO AND THEN MAYBE CARDS WITH LIKE THREE DECKS BC THERES A LOT OF US  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh dear  
  
**the good henry** : ???  
  
**more like HUNKules** : alex is good at all board games Too Much so like  
  
**the good henry** : you're on a team with him  
  
**more like HUNKules** : YES  
  
**little lion** : WE'RE RETIRING IN MILLIONAIRE ESTATES BITCH LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO  
  
\---  
  
**anastasie** : can w e go home please  
  
**johnn** : idk I can't drive  
  
**johnn** : tired  
  
**more like HUNKules** : alex can drive he just had coffee  
  
**little lion** : I had the coffee so that I could drive, also bc neither you or lafayette will be able to get in the car bc john definitELY brought the seat up  
  
**johnn** : tru  
  
**little lion** : ok so,,,ana can walk,,,,but someone has to carry james, pip, and frances  
  
**france eyes** : hi idk if I'm supposed to be in this chat still but my mom wants me home so can you drop me off at my house please??  
  
**little lion** : of course!! you can sit in the front if you want!!  
  
**france eyes** : thank you!!  
  
**france eyes** : also I'll carry james!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I have frances  
  
**laf** : and I have pip!!  
  
**little lion** : lets gO!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : what if we have dinner on the balcony tomorrow w/ james and thomas to talk!! abt things!!  
  
**johnn** : yes !! it can be on our bedroom balcony for Privacy and also a Relaxing Vibe  
  
**laf** : oui yes  
  
**laf** : also we're havign a lot of dinners recently  
  
**little lion** : we like food, who can blame us  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ok alex just grinded on me to get me to answer this text which is sO rude, but also yes I'm okay with that  
  
**little lion** : yay!! I'll text them and tell them, then we can all go to bed  
  
**laf** : bless  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : TOMORROW, DINNER, SEVEN OCLOCK, HERE, ON OUR BALCONY, YOURE COMING, AND WE ARE TALKING ABOUT POLYAMORY  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I'm  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I love you a lot  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : also james is moisturizing his hair and skin but I'll tell him!!  
  
**little lion** : wOO!! see you at dinner tomorrow!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !! see you !!  
  
**little lion** : also I love you too!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !!!

**Author's Note:**

> this is bad sorry!! 
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af


End file.
